Nobody’s Fool
The sudden noise of a weighty package hitting the linoleum brought Mavis Butterworth rushing out of the kitchen into the hallway. She’d been listening out for the postman all morning; waiting to hear his brisk steps up the path, listening for his cheerful whistle as he rattled her letterbox, signaling to her that her wait might be over. She’d been expecting a delivery for days now. Actually, if she were truthful to herself, she’d been waiting for it for weeks. Ever since she’d read that newspaper advertisement which she’d hastily completed, clipped and mailed before she could change her mind. Ever since her bank statement had told her that her check had been cashed.
It was now over a month since her checking balance had started to look a little anemic but she wasn’t overly worried. After all, the advertisement had said response was sure to be phenomenal and to allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. She could hardly contain herself as she bent down to pick up the fat envelope nestling behind the door. She told herself to be calm, not to get excited. She remembered what the doctor had said about her taking things easy but she found it difficult, knowing that she was holding her future in her hands.
As she stood up, she felt a little light-headed and dizzy. She decided to take the envelope into the kitchen and open it there as she enjoyed the last of her breakfast. Sitting down at the table, she pushed the empty Twinkie wrappers and the soda can away to make some space. It was a little too dark in there to be able to give full justice to the envelope’s contents but she would soon be able to get all that sorted out. So what if she’d invested her electricity money in her new business venture? Didn’t those guys down at the electric company realize that you have to speculate to accumulate sometimes, and that “talented new business entrepreneurs” need to be cut some slack every once in a while.
“I’ll show them,” she said, tearing into the envelope. “They’ll be laughing on the other side of their faces when I pay to have the electricity reconnected with my first fat check!” She felt herself getting all excited again as she tipped the envelope’s contents onto the table. She wasn’t really sure what to expect, as the advertisement hadn’t been too clear about the specifics of the “cash generation program”; instead it had focused on all the ways that you might enjoy all of that “amazing income potential”. The mysterious contents turned out to be lots and lots of smaller envelopes that proceeded to cascade all over the table and onto the floor. Shaking her head as she wondered what to do next, she held the envelope up towards the window and peered inside, hoping to find some clue to its contents. Inside, tucked in so tightly that they hadn’t fallen out, she found a badly printed cover letter and a sheet of pre-printed labels.
“Dear Mrs. Buttorworm,
Please find your enclosed business entrepreneur kit. In a very short time you will be able to sit back and just watch the money come rolling in. Due to the phenomenal success of our program, we have been unable to satisfy the demand for our entrepreneur kits internally. We need help in meeting that demand and that’s why we are sharing our good fortune with you. The enclosed labels are the names and addresses of other entrepreneurs who have also seen the potential benefits of our program. Simply put a sticker on each of the envelopes and drop them in the mail. That’s all there is to it! You can simply just sit back and wait for the checks to roll right in!
P.s. As business is booming so incredibly right now, we would also like to give you the opportunity to make your personal share of that success that bit bigger. For just a small shipping and handling fee of $50, we’ll send you an additional batch of entrepreneur kits and you’ll soon be watching those checks come winging their way to you.
So don’t delay, start making your fortune today!”
Mavis looked at the pile of envelopes scattered over the table and the floor. As she started to pick them up and place them in a neat pile, her mind strayed to other things. Now if she could only hold off paying her water bill and maybe cut down on her food bills a little she could afford that second pack. She smiled to herself at the thought of all those checks dropping through her letterbox. She’d show them that she was nobody’s fool.
© Robert Ford 1997