Portion Control

So many of us are wounded when we exit relationships. As we heal, there is often a conflict between wanting to love and be loved again, and our fear of being hurt and/or disappointed again. This poem is all about that conflict.

Portion Control

Part of me
Wants to cede myself to you
Another part
The part that looks to learn from the past
The part that needs to learn to trust again
That part is busy building
Boundaries and barriers and blockades
Things that make me feel safe
Things that make me feel that I have control
Things that make me feel alone

Part of me
Remembers loving without reservation
Another part
The part that was used and abused
The part that was assaulted and abandoned
That part is busy defining
Rules and roles and regulations
Things that keep me from running
Things that stop me from hiding
Things that prevent me engaging fully

Part of me
Once I felt confident about the future
The what, where, when and how were flexible
But the who was an immutable constant
Until it wasn’t
Until she wasn’t

Part of me
Wants to love fearlessly again
Another part
The part that was lied to and laughed at
The part that was deceived and betrayed
That part fears loving to the full
That part prefers to practice portion control
You only get to have a piece of me
Because I’m keeping the rest for myself

© 2018 Robert M. Ford – All rights reserved